Going Back To Saudi
Gareth Bryant has constantly/consistently wondered and pondered how/why Allah has divinely decreed/decided to make me a Dhayf/Guest at Their Sacred-House: al-Haram/the Sanctuary known as al-Ka`bah. al-Ka`bah/the Cube is litetally the Most-Sacred-Soace/Place in the Qissah/History of al-`Ālamīn/the Mundane-Universe). The Fact that Allah granted me Multiple-Ahlām/Dreams about returing to Makkah, the Fact that everything via such Ahlām were manifested via Real-Life, the Fact that I’ve been grant such Opportunities, etc. is inconceivable. It’s such a Phenomenal-Feat for me spiritually.
Analyzing and exploring the Mu`jizah/Miracle of the Ka`bah-Key of Makkah
I’ve often questioned how/why Allah has ever deemed me worthy of being invited to the Ka`bah: the 1st Masjid/Mosque, the 1st Haram/Sanctuary, etc. via Human-History. I truthfully/honestly am haunted via wondering how/why such a Person as lowly as myself was singled-out & divinely chosen by Allah to be at Makkah. I’ve never seen myself as good enough to be at the House-Of-Allah. Perhaps this is simply: Self-Doubt, Insecurity, etc. Or, more importantly, it could be that Allah has chosen/decided to see something positive within Gareth Bryant which Gareth Bryant doesn’t or has never recognized/accepted before.
What I’ve noticed about my own Ahlām/Dreams
For Years ever since I was first invited, by Allah, to make al-Hajj/Pilgrimage to this Sacred-Land (back in 1425, AH/2005, CE), the Following-Thoughts/Feelings have always stayed in my Sadr (Mind&Heart):
“I don’t belong in such a Pure-Place.”
“How me?!!!”
“Why me?!!!”
etc.
And, make no Mistake…this isn’t me being Fake-Humble. This is a Truthful/Honesty Self-Assessment as per who I really am versus who I’m really not.
I mean, there’ve been Anbiyā’/Prophetic-Individuals like:
Ādam/Adam, Ibrāhim/Abraham, Hājar/Hagar, Ismā`īl/Ishmael, Muhammad (Peace be upon them) who’ve been to Makkah as well as lived&died in Makkah.
These-Anbiyā’ have literally incepted/invented (via the Command-Of-Allah) all of the Manāsik (Rites/Rituals) which make al-Hajj/al-`Umrah (Pilgrimage&Mini-Pilgrimage) what it’s always been: a Rukn/Pillar of al-Islām.
There’ve been those amongst as-Sahābah (Companions-Of-Muhammad [May Allah be pleased with them altogether]), those whom personally witnessed Muhammad receive at-Tanzīl/Revelation from Allah, whom never made Hajj nor even `Umrah.
There’ve been Great-Notables from Generations-1&2 of at-Tābi`īn who’ve never even been to Makkah.
There’s been Khulāfah (Islāmic-Rulers) who’ve never been to Makkah.
etc.
And, I know for a Fact that I’m not “Better” than anyone I’ve aforementioned.
Perhaps, it’s not meant for Allah to allow me to learn/know how&why They’ve chosen/decided to constantly/consistently be invited to be a Guest at the Ka`bah. Yet, at the Same-Time: I’d rather view myself as “Unworthy”, while still being invited to Allah’s-House, as opposed to thinking/feeling I’m “Worthy”, while never having been chosen/invited by Allah
Gareth Bryant
Leave a Reply