I specifically remember having an Indepth-Convo with a Fellow-Muslim. Them & I were literally debating about how “Street” I was/wasn’t. I kept telling the Person, that in spite of me actually doing Negative-Things in my Life that I’ve never been a “Street-Nigga”. The Person I conversed with differed with me greatly. They kept arguing the Point that I’ve “Street-Essence”. I really wasn’t buying it at first. But, then, as the Convo evolved I somewhat comprehended what they meant by what they said.
Looking at This-Picture…the Average-Person would probably never think or assume that the Person they see came from a Neighborhood plagued with Violence, mired with Crime, the Temptation of: Drug-Dealing, Larceny, Murder, Street-Gang Activity, etc. which is so easy to become absorbed/consumed by. However that was in fact my Life…the Invitation to be Negative/Toxic was at every Turn…not only inviting but quite honestly appealing as well. Most within any such Environment would feel very much pressured to partake in it, be timid to resist it, etc. I as well, via Flaws&All, most definitely had succum to Certain-Vices of my Environment. However, there’s 1-Thing which kept me safe from going-in too deep…that is al-Islām.
I became a Muslim very young…Age-15 (1417, A.H.)/Age-14 (1996, C.E.). I was in my Freshman-Year of High-School. High-School Life was filled with: Sex, Parties, Gangs, Drugs, etc. Anything & everything which could make a Person fall Off-Track I was exposed to, and had Access to if I really wanted it. However, in spite of my Countless-Pitfalls, Allah still saved me from delving into more than I would’ve without al-Hudā/al-Hidāyah (Guidance). Realistically, I barely did 25% of what my Environmental-Peers did. But, what I did do was still enough to have gotten me killed or locked-up. Also, there’s an Ole-Saying from the Streets: “You take some, and you leave some. But, don’t try to have it all.”. (Literally) before I even learned that Ole-Saying I was living by it.
Albeit I got Caught-Up in my own Personal-Vices, there’s Certain-Vices I said to myself: “Nah…there’s 0-Way that I’m doing that.”. And eventually (via the Nasr/Help-Of-Allah), I was capable/able to abandon the Vices that I did involve myself into & never looked-back since. Saying that to say this: even as a Muslim, Muslim-Revert, etc. I wasn’t at all “Immune” from the Vices of the Dunyā/Mundane. Those-Times were very rough on me spiritually & psycho-emotionally, socially, etc. I can freely verbalize it now. But, back then, it used to trouble me greatly…especially if/when my Peers used to remind me of the Person I used to be. At Times, it was honestly embarrassing, remembering Negative-Things which I’ve done-On the Surface, to probably Most Non-Muslims: the Negative-Things I’ve done probably may not even be viewed as that bad. I know though, that Those-Things were that bad (because they were Islāmically-Wrong to do).
I’ve always worked hard, to right my Wrongs of Yesteryear. To me, it’s always been crucial to remove the Stains on my Reputation, although Certain-Things will always stay in the Minds&Hearts of those whom have Shared-Experiences with me: those whom were there when I did the Negative-Things I’ve done. Fastforward, however, my Essential-Core which was shaped via my Environment…that’s still with me: I’ll fight anyone…I’ve gotten into fights on Trains on my Way to my Jobs…I’ve 0-Problem shooting anyone if I really had to…I’ve gotten arrested for stabbing People…etc. So, in no Way am I a “Pushover”. Yet, at the Same-Time, the Person that I’ve become is superior to the Person I’ve evolved from. And, I’m grateful forever to Allah for that.
Gareth Bryant
1445, A.H./2024, C.E.
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